Even though the sun is shining, pools are glistening, and all the summer events are ever present, there seems to be some heaviness seeping through the past few weeks.
It has been difficult for me to fully immerse myself in the typical love I have for summer fun when basic human rights are being stripped from our sisterhood.
During this time, I have found the need for extra tenderness, time to think and interactions with loved ones that exist within my preferred boundaries.
So, for this month’s Summer Love issue, I’d like to revisit one of my most treasured ways of practicing self-love—boundary setting and implementation. If you’re interested in practicing self-love in this way this summer, then check out some tips below.
Step 1: Identify if boundaries need some establishing
Are you finding yourself hanging on the phone with a loved one minutes (if not hours) after you said you had to leave? Does someone close to you still talk about certain topics even if you’ve explicitly stated those topics make you upset? If those examples or something like them are going on within some relational settings, then it may be wise to begin exploring some boundary setting conversations.
Of course, there are so many other factors to consider before deciding if boundaries need to be in place (cultural expectations, gender roles, existing relational roles, and so many more). However, if you are thinking you may want a change in those dynamics, then boundary setting could be the first place to start.
Step 2: Identifying what the boundaries are for you
Boundaries may look different for each person. Perhaps you want specific and explicit rules by which to live in your relationships. Maybe you don’t want people calling when you’re at work, you want some conversational topics to be off limits, or anything else. Or maybe you want something looser that can be renegotiated in the future like how often you speak with your loved one.
Whatever the boundary may be, it can be important to explore what specifically works for you. That’s the beauty of setting boundaries—they are designed to make your life easier!
Try taking some time to either write down or think about how you might want these relationships to look and how you want to participate in them. Make sure to be clear and specific to avoid any confusion when your limits are communicated.
Step 3: Having the tough boundary conversation
Although it may be tricky or difficult, communicating your relational boundaries can be one of the most important steps in enacting change. The person can’t read your mind, right? Therefore, it is important to be transparent and to tell your loved one what it is you need to change or put into place moving forward.
Make sure that you’re able to have the conversation at a time and in a place where both of you can focus on the conversation at hand. Over a meal or in a comfortable setting can be ideal to make sure you are all nice and cozy before embarking on some difficult subject matter.
You might receive some pushback, which is why it can be important to have specific language to fall back on. You may also be welcomed by your loved one sharing their new boundaries in return (which can be a beautiful thing)!
Holding you close and wishing you all the love this summer.
